Stages of relationship with my father
He is the world:
This is always the first stage. I would comply with his ideas, opinions, and worldview. Followed his ideologies and ideals. Had similar political/economic views.
What if he is wrong?
Second stage. Fathers are the early role models. In my late teens and early twenties, I started doubting his opinions and ideologies as I was slowly developing my own understanding. Nevertheless, I was still under his influence. Tried to live up to his vision and dreams.
Inflection point. Started challenging his opinions and way of life. Became more independent. This was the zone of divergence. There was friction, debate, and chaos. But we learned to keep our differences aside.
We both found a zone where we could agree to disagree.
Throughout my journey, my father supported me in all my endeavors and failures. Fathers are like launch pads. Eventually, you will be nothing like your father. You are not meant to be. It is a paradox.
Every stage that I mentioned above is crucial to growing in life.
Imagine what if father influences your decisions for most of your life?
Imagine if you never challenge his views?
Sometimes the objective is not to please (as I did in my formative years) but to follow your own track. I feel the inflection point needs to arrive as early as possible.
Imagine you both don’t learn to manage the differences?
I have seen many relationships go for a toss because the last stage isn’t managed properly. I think father-child bond is tricky to manage. Because it has more to do with managing expectations. 🙂
A mother-child bond is relatively easier.